Writing is a quest, a journey, which flowers and flourishes on the pathways of silence. I welcome you to be a part of my quest, my journey as a poet and writer. I hope you enjoy it and it enriches your own quest and journey as a writer and as a human being.
.... Everything does not happen just as we expect .... Is it possible to be devoid of expectations ??!!
Expectations
Time goes on and on.
The future, absolutely unknown.
And ambitious as he is,
Man always expects bliss.
Joy, to the present they nurture,
These lovely dreams of future.
But, alas ! It is a fact that
Everything does not happen just as we expect.
- Vanita Thakkar (29.06.1987)
29th June, 1987 was the day on which my Secondary School Board Examination (commonly known as Class X Board Examination) results were declared. I had topped in my school - among all those who had appeared for Board Examinations : Secondary as well as Higher Secondary, but, had scored lesser than expected. My scoring percentage had never gone below 80% throughout my schooling and I saw myself scoring an unexpectedly low 76% and was dejected. We (my teachers, family, friends, relatives, well-wishers .... and I) had expected much higher marks and percentage.
I was a student of Gujarat Secondary Education Board (GSEB) and for Standard / Grade X, the Examinations are conducted centrally by the respective state education boards, as per the prevailing education system in India. I had been a student of Central Board (managed by the Central Government Education Department) till the previous year, that is, till my 9th standard / grade. In the Central Board schools, there is an internal board examination in the 9th standard, which means the question papers for the examinations are from the Central Board - sent to schools all over India, but the assessment takes place locally. After completing my 9th standard, my parents decided to shift me to a state board school as that would ensure easier and better scopes for university admissions in Gujarat. There are limited seats for Central Board students in the state run universities and higher studies in Vadodara was a top preference for both, my brother and me.
Education - with respect to contents, style as well as atmosphere - in state board schools was very different. Taking extra coaching in the form of tuitions outside the school was so common that I was the only student in my class - both sections - who had not opted for any external coaching. There were optional subjects to be selected - I opted for Hindi instead of my mother-tongue Gujarati since I had never had any formal education in Gujarati. There was a choice of two out of three between Sanskrit, Special Geography and Typewriting and I wanted to take Sanskrit and Special Geography, but both classes were going on simultaneously. So, I took Sanskrit and Typewriting. For typewriting, we had to go to a separate affiliated institute for a session of one hour after our school hours, every working day. I had scored well and highest in both of those subjects. The problem was in Science, Mathematics and English. I was complimented (and unknowingly consoled) that scoring this good percentage in English medium was commendable. In Gujarat State Board, English medium results were always lower and poorer than Gujarati medium results. The common reason that I got to hear from most people was that the English medium paper assessment was too difficult for the available qualified staff. Some people even told me that my cursive (and pretty good) handwriting (that was much loved and appreciated by all, especially my teachers - so far) must have been too difficult to read (that is something very disappointing) !!
This poem and my parents were the only ones who knew how disappointed I had felt at my result. No, no, there was one more person (Ha, Ha ....) : My father had accompanied me to my school for collecting my result. I tried and managed to remain cool while accepting all the compliments and Pappa was cheering me up on our way back as we boarded an auto rickshaw. He was happy and wanted to celebrate. He asked the auto rickshaw driver to stop near a sweet shop and got down to get the sweets. I realized how sullen my face had turned, when a genuinely concerned auto rickshaw driver asked me, "Beta (an affectionate way of addressing a kid or younger one), have you failed ?" Oh God !! .... "No", I replied, "I have passed ...." as I saw my smiling father return back with a packet of sweets and board the auto rickshaw ....
I had written this poem in the quietness of the evening that day, sitting all by myself in our little backyard and decided that I will score higher - at least, not let my results go further down - in the two years of schooling left before me. I could manage that and I topped in the next two years as well, even though in my Higher Secondary Examination also, I scored much lesser than expected in one of the main subjects - Chemistry and could not cross the 80% mark.
My certificates for the SSCE ...
Further Reflections on Expectations ....
Expectations are often mentioned at several places - in philosophy, in religion, in relations ....
My experience in the above mentioned incident was with reference to expectations of results of my efforts in studies. Till the above incident took place, my results used to be better than what I would expect. I would estimate how much I was likely to score, and I would never get lesser than what I would expect. Also, here, even though the results were not up to the expectations, and perhaps up to the caliber, they were not altogether bad. My friends would not understand my dismay, which would surface out spontaneously, as they had a very different background. And I was scoring more than them !! So, some even looked upon it as my "hypocrisy" !!
The study material that we got in State Board schools was also not as good as I was used to. Text books were most disappointing .... Making notes, going to the library, reading reference books .... was something that did not appeal to most of my new class mates. In Secondary School, I was the only student who went to the library regularly - much to the joy of my teachers and librarian. In Higher Secondary, our English Medium library was never found open !! And perhaps I was the one who was most disappointed about it .... But, this was not all. Studies went on in their own course. I was in Science stream and there were hardly ten or eleven girls in our class. Our group of seven girls was most amazing. We had had some most memorable wonderful times together and the seven of us are still in touch ....
People try to philosophize expectations by saying - "All troubles are due to expectations .... There should be no expectations ...."
How true is it ? Is it not OK to expect a human being to behave like a human being - as the most beautiful of creations ? And is it really possible to stop expecting ? Is life so isolated ? Are our ethical rulings, religious preaching and legal systems not based on expectations - to maintain order and peace in human society ?
Expecting someone to stop expecting is in itself an expectation !! (Ha, Ha ....)
Perhaps we forget a very important fact of Life - there is no independence in physical, emotional and social ecosystems. There is interdependence, which has to be respectfully and lovingly enjoyed. And that leads to "independence" - a word that belongs to the world of spiritualism.
The problem, perhaps, is not related to expectations being there or not, as expectations cannot be ruled out. They cannot be non-existent. However, a balance of expectations has to be established and maintained in our relationships and dealings everywhere - in personal, professional and social lives as well as in our relationships and dealings with our surroundings, our environment, our ecosystem and our beautiful universe, as a whole. This is a collective responsibility, wherein everyone, every individual plays his / her significant role.
Some interesting and thought-provoking quotes on - Expectations ....
From HubPages .... Published on 01st December, 2020.
Trust overladen with hidden, blind expectations creates unwanted and undue stresses and strains. Such experiences expose parasitic tendencies in relationships, in which the contributor gets exposed to the risk of being consumed by the receiver and has to be careful. A pure, determined mind can help with the confidence required to overcome and overpower such difficulties.
We often hear such gratifications / consolations when there are talks about injustice to women ....
Sometimes, they are also used to caution / discourage a successful lady, steadily progressing on her chosen path, urging her to be "satisfied" with her share of achievements .... The reasons behind such discouragements can be very many that may even be too difficult to decipher immediately, but there is a clear, definite oversight to the sense of duty, commitment or necessity that prompts the lady to work towards perfection / excellence and resulting success ....
Plight Of Womanhood ....
Continued Refusal To Learn From Past,
To Change For Good ....
How Long, How Far .... ??!!
The Plight Of Sita .... ".... Prove Yourself ...."
Draupadi's Ordeal .... The Worst Insult Of Womanhood Right In Front Of Elders And Distinguished, Respected Courtiers ....
Perceptions Steer Relationships - In Professional As Well As Personal Life .... Clarity; Focus On Merits, Principles And Objectives Of Common, Higher Interests Is Essential ....
Perceptions Steer Relationships - In Professional As Well As Personal Life .... Clarity And Focus On Merits, Principles And Objectives Of Common, Higher Interests Is Essential ....
Judgments have more to do with the person who judges
Than with the person who is being judged.
Sometimes, the shortcomings or drawbacks
Which we think others have
Are the reflections of
Our own drawbacks in them.
So, whenever, one feels that
The other person lacks so and so,
Instead of worrying about that person,
One should check one’s own self first.
- Vanita Thakkar (04-06-1991 - from my old diary)
Superimposition of one's own fault on someone else to justify one's possessiveness to one's preferences, is an example of one of the "Klesha"s (afflictions) described in the Patanjal Yoga Sutra (classical text on Yoga by Sage Patanjali), which creates havoc in administrative systems as well as relationships ....
In administrative systems, focus on Merits and Principles is essential and in relationships, Love is the essence.
- Vanita Thakkar (21-08-2017)
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
Madness literally would mean an unstable mental condition. However, due to the discrepancies that tend to creep into civilized social life on a mass scale, in the name of traditions or behaviours that go out of tune with the dynamics of changes / progress with time, circumstances and necessities of prevailing ecosystems, certain abnormalities assume the label of normality and vice versa.
A book of parables and poems by the great Khalil Gibran is titled - The Madman. It begins with this interesting parable, in which he describes how he became a madman .... He says he woke up one day, long before many gods were born, from a deep sleep and found that all his masks were stolen. The seven masks that he said he had fashioned and worn in seven lives were stolen. He says, he ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, "Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves !!" Men and women laughed at him and some ran into their houses out of fear of him. And when he reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, "He is a madman." He says, as he looked up to behold the youth, the sun kissed his own naked face for the first time and that his soul was inflamed with love for the sun and he no longer wanted any masks. He cried, as if in a trance, "Blessed, blessed are the thieves that stole my masks." And thus he became a madman. Then he writes, "And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us. But let me not be too proud of my safety. Even a Thief in a jail is safe from another thief."
Commitment as Madness ....
Firm commitment is also looked upon as madness. But the fairness of purpose is important here.
Here, I am reminded of the great martyrs who laid down the lives for noble causes, such as the freedom struggle of India. Two days are celebrated as Shaheed Divas (Martyr's Day) in India to gratefully remember supreme scarifies of martyrs of Indian Freedom Struggle. 30th January is the martyrdom day of Mahatma Gandhi. The Mahatma was assassinated on 30th January, 1948 when he was returning from his evening prayers. 23rd March is the Martyrdom Day of three young Freedom Fighters of India - Shaheed Bhagat Singh, Shaheed Rajguru and Shaheed Sukhdev, who were hanged to death on 23rd March, 1931 for killing the English policeman who was behind the death of the great Indian Freedom Fighter Lala Lajpat Rai ....
One who truly loves his / her mother never even thinks of insulting anybody else's mother. So it is with one's love for one's motherland and one's religion. We need to recognize the ugly face of nasty power games - non-violence is not synonymous to cowardice, nor is a thoughtless, greed-inspired act of brutality or crookedness anywhere close to being bravery or manliness.
There can be no justifications for wrong means adopted for fulfilling "right" goals. A thief has the good intentions of making himself and his family prosperous. That does not justify his wrong actions. Colonialism was inspired by "good intentions" of serving one's country at the cost of destroying the identity and fundamental human rights of another country / countries .... Means and ends cannot be separated. Wrong means adopted for "right intentions" is a lame, and on a large scale, a dangerous and cruel excuse.
There is hardly anything "fair" in and about wars and anything "unfair" cannot be love. We need to recognize and understand the absurdity and reckless incivility in the thought - "Everything is fair in love and war."
Shaheed Bhagat Singh - the martyr who laid down his life for the freedom of India ....
